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Low Aleinu Timothy was in the bottom hold of the ship when he was shaken by a torpedo that hit the ship. He felt scared. He was shaken by another torpedo that hit the ship. He went out on the deck. The captain ordered everyone to get on a lifeboat. Timothy got on a lifeboat. The lifeboat got torpedoed too. Timothy got onto a raft.
Low Aleinu Timothy looked around to see if he could help anyone. He saw a boy in the water. He was unconscious. Timothy looked around for his parents. He couldn't find anyone who he thought were the boy's parents. Timothy picked him up and put him on the raft. He checked him to make sure he was okay.
Nicely done Sam! Try to add more vivid details in your writing so we can really SEE it, HEAR it, SMELL it, FEEL it, and TASTE it! Keep it up!
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